Disappointment rippled across the world of taxonomy today as it was revealed that the first organism to emerge in thousands of years with the potential to be a new hominid failed to meet the criteria required to be classified as a separate species. The results of the analysis, published in the Journal of Evolutionary Biology early on Friday morning, showed that at least 55% of the geographically distinct subspecies Homo sapiens scotia were still capable of mating with the closely related subspecies known as ‘the British’, thus failing to reach the benchmark required to be reclassified.
Allopatric
speciation, the process by which geographical isolation can cause a species to diverge
down two separate evolutionary paths, is often seen in nature, with clear
examples being observed in Darwin’s finches. However, it is a rare process to
observe in humans due to extensive interbreeding between populations.
Taxonomists have long believed that Scotland may hold the key to proving that
the process is possible in humans given the extreme differences observed
between its inhabitants and other residents of the British Isles, in particular
in culture, morphological appearance and language. Hadrian’s Wall forms a
natural barrier preventing interbreeding between populations.
The Scots’
current status as a subspecies is unquestioned, given that they are incapable
of producing offspring with certain British subpopulations. Professor Tamara
Mayhew of the University of Bristol argues that this observation is primarily due to cultural, not
biological, differences. These can include characteristic Scottish mating
rituals, such as aggressive displays between males or heroin and alcohol abuse
on a Saturday night in Glasgow: “Scots seem to be capable of producing fertile
offspring with English who share some of their customs, often collectively
known as ‘Northerners’, who in turn can breed with those from southern England.
But the idea of Scots breeding with, say, Londoners is simply laughable.”
Prior to the
results of the analysis being available, many in the scientific community were
predicting that this could cause a knock-on effect encouraging other similar
speciation events. Dr. Marc Cable of University College London disagrees,
claiming that only Scotland had the opportunity. “The Welsh, for example, rely
too much on surrounding populations to break away as their own species. Given
their lack of natural resources, they must intermingle with other Brits
significantly, allowing access to oil, gas, exotic foodstuffs and vowels.”
Many believe Scottish leaders Salmond and Sturgeon would have left Scotland floundering. |
“As for
currency, they’ve been reliant on foreign coinage for centuries,” Cable continued.
“Speciation would leave them with no established currency, ultimately requiring
trade in common local commodities, such as Irn Bru, Susan Boyle’s voice and
disappointing job prospects.”
Some in
England were looking forward getting away Scot-free due to the increased life
expectancy and drop in binge drinking that the departure of Scots would have
resulted in, although many are celebrating the continued existence of the unified
species. However, anxiety remains over British prospects in next year’s
Eurovision Song Contest where an extra 12 points could have made all the
difference.
Ryan