Survey Reveals Scientists Make the Best Lovers

Dr Rose Cypris is a psychologist from the University of Rome who, until a month ago, was virtually unknown in the world of Science.  That all changed with the publishing of her paper “Social Interactions Most Successful among Scientists” (Nature, Volume 476).  The paper details the results of an extensive study which documented the carnal relations of thousands of professionals.  The empirical and unbiased data clearly shows that those who partner with scientists report the highest feelings of satisfaction.

The results suggest that prowess is not restricted to a particular field of science and is independent of gender and sexual preference.  Cypris concludes “there is just something about engaging in scientific pursuits that allows for new vistas of sensation to be reached.”  I was able to get an interview with Mrs Cypris.

I arrived at her summer home in Livorno, Tuscany, a modest villa overlooking the playful blue waters of the Mediterranean Sea.  She greets me in a figure hugging black dress with lace sleeves, a lit cigarette held delicately in her left hand.  She offers me a drink, I decline and our dialogue begins.

Mrs Cypris, ready to begin?
Of course, no need to rush. My husband won’t be home for some time. [She pauses to put on some music]

What does it feel like to be the most cited paper of 2011?*
Truly amazing.  It’s just good to know that my humble paper is being so well received.

Modest and intelligent?  Were you surprised at the wide range of papers which cited you?
Well of course, who wouldn’t be?  Scientists from Astronomy, Theoretical physics, Biochemistry, Ecology, Chemistry and of course my own field of Psychology all feel that my conclusions are relevant to their own work.  There’s even some talk from Nature that I’m going to make the front cover of volume 477.

Published twice, in the same journal? Impressive.
Yes.  They said the result was of such importance they couldn’t afford people missing it.

Were you nervous at all during the lengthy peer review process?
When I first sent it off it was just the normal waiting period you get with any article, however I received numerous emails telling me that more and more academics wished to review my article.  I thought at first it was because they couldn’t agree on the validity of the results.  That turned out not to be the case.

[Of the 800 scientist who reviewed the paper all found the work of the “highest order” and the methodology “flawless”]

What would you say to the recent paper published in the British Arts Journal, claiming that it is in fact British Artists are the best lovers?  Even Richard Dawkins has come out and said that there may be a grain of truth to it, citing the well documented prowess of British citizens.
Oh come on, they didn’t even use the scientific method.  What do artists know about things of a sensual nature?

Any advice for any young scientists who may be reading?
Like yourself? [She laughs].  Don’t do science to see if you are already right, but to become right.  The only way to come to any conclusion is through experimentation.  

Experimentation you say? 
Yes, is there a conclusion you’d like to come to?

We have four and a half minutes, should be ample time.

End of Transcript

Liam
The Love Doctor
*Most cited paper, at time of writing