This past week traditional
mothers’ sayings are turning out to be true and influencing real life. The
discovery was initially made by 8 year old Jason Cracknell, who, despite
repeated warnings by his mother, realised that he had square eyes after
“sitting in front of that damn screen” for 6 hours straight.
“Mum always told me that I’d
get square eyes…How was I supposed to know that it could actually happen?!”
Little Jason exclaimed. “Look at me! I’m a freak,” the circus reject with
quadrilateral retinas added.
Once Cracknell noticed that
his eyes had ceased being their usual oval shape, he reportedly spent several
hours watching a circular pot in an attempt to return his visual sensory organs
to their former circular glory. While the results of this attempt are unclear
at this time, we do know that the water in the pot never boiled.
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| Caught in Hurricane Irene? |
Clearly then, this
phenomenon is not restricted to one incident. Children all over the world were
caught short when the wind changed, leaving their faces disfigured, abnormal,
and downright ugly. Some controversial reports are coming in suggesting that
this particular aspect has actually been going on for many years, citing Steven
Tyler as evidence. However, when reached for a comment, Tyler stated his face had “always been like
that.”
Other critics have
questioned the validity of the observations, pointing out that a “significant
percent” of them were made in Leeds, Cornwall
and Norfolk.
In the USA, police are
reporting an increase in shootings being heard across the country. When
investigated further, small passerines were being killed to prevent any more
secrets being told. Shooters were apparently mostly hormone deficient youths,
attempting to “put hairs on their chests”.
Elsewhere, entomologists are
reportedly abandoning traditional vinegar fly traps and switching to more
contemporary honey variants.
Ryan
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